Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Don't Hate on Haiti



Every so often we earthlings get dealt a blow to humanity that rattles, if not destroys, our belief in all things good. This past week we watched as an earthquake leveled the island of Hispaniola, killing and injuring thousands of Haitians. Predictably, nations will join together to whip up a large scale humanitarian effort, the religious wingnuts will climb upon their soapboxes to tell us this was the devil’s doing, (video) and right-wing talk-show hosts will attempt to tarnish the Whitehouse’s efforts. But as I lay comfortably on my couch, (in the middle of one the world’s larger fault lines) and text aid Haiti’s way, I have two questions: Did the devil and or the White House have something to do with this? And second, how prepared am I for a cataclysmic event?

Below is the Venice Beach Tsunami Evacuation Map. This map is to be used if we Westside Angelenos endure an earthquake lasting longer than ten seconds.


As we can see, the greater Venice Beach and Marina Del Rey community will be completely engulfed by the Pacific Ocean. Now, I am unaware of any pacts made with the devil by Mayor Villaragosa, but a closer examination of this evacuation map and we reveal a very curious detail. Just north of Rose Ave a small area appears impervious to any and all tidal danger. Isn’t it a little curious that two entire towns will be lost while simultaneously creating the Rose Ave Peninsula? I would say so.


So who occupies this wave free haven? Perhaps a long lost descendent of Napoleon III who never learned to swim? Maybe Satan himself saw a real estate opportunity he couldn’t walk away from? Alas Mr. Robertson, there is no mark of the beast found on this building. It’s a quaint Hare Krishna temple. That’s right. These peace-loving, melodious, do-gooders are ripe to survive the next catastrophe Southern California will face. So one has to ask, is going veggie and dancing along the 3rd street promenade your best bet to survive God’s wrath? This tsunami evacuation guide seems to be proof enough for me. Then again, maybe these pastel laden folk just negotiated a better deal with the devil than those silly Haitians? Either that, or Mr. Robertson is absolutely insane.


I am not sure who actually follows Pat Robertson or listens to Rush Limbaugh, but they all need to make their way over to a mirror so they can accurately punch themselves in the face and wake up. The death and suffering of hundreds of thousands of people is not a “blessing in disguise,” nor does it involve any “pact with the devil.” It was a natural disaster that occurred in an impoverished country. America needs to lead by example and do everything we can to help the devastated nation of Haiti. Please Mr. Robertson and Mr. Limbaugh I plead of you, stop spreading your lunacy and racism to others and just be gone. Because there was no demonic pact made with any devil, a hill witch, or the boogie man. And I can assure you President Obama is not sitting around, rubbing his knuckles as the death toll rises in Haiti trying to figure out how to gain popularity with the “light skinned and dark skinned black community.” And while I am neither a doctor nor physically helping with the rescue effort, I am giving money rather than dissuading others from doing so, which, ironically, makes you Mr. Robertson look like the devil and you Mr. Limbaugh as a bona fide racist.


That said; if you happen to catch a flock of Hare Krishnas skipping around in life vests, I’d seek higher ground.


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