The Big Fix.

These are undoubtedly terrible times; the markets are down, unemployment is on the rise, the U.S. is fighting two simultaneous crusades, global warming is killing off the adorable yet vicious polar bear, and of course the twelfth season of The Bachelor is almost upon us. So it’s understandable why people are so grumpy.

A short time ago I got myself involved in a very long blog-battle with some folks over a bad joke a friend of mine posted. Everyday it seems I come across a posting by a republican or social conservative. They all consists of some kind of joke or cute anecdote criticizing our brand new administration. I will not highlight any specific examples, but the general idea of these posts is always familiar. Obama and his band of nonsensical democrats are taking my hard earned money and giving it to the poor and lazy. This is an old story, and one that appears never to grow tiresome, at least for these people that post them. I try my best not to look at them, but always find myself reading them to completion. I am sure there are these same undignified posts by liberals and independents alike; however, it is my contention that if we all spent just a little more of our time posting good ideas instead of detrimental brouhaha we would all be in a better place. I will start.

Unemployment: How about we get some legislation passed that gives corporations tax breaks for honestly proving they have created new jobs. It sounds simple enough, right? Would this not make the supply-side loyalists contented, as well as the demand-sided Keynesians? I really don’t know, but it makes sense to me.

War: Kick out every defense/offense contractor lobbyist from Washington DC. It seems to me companies like Lockeed Martin, Boeing, and Northrop Gruman are all part of a war machine. And this machine is built the exact same way any other corporation is: to keep its share holders happy. But these companies don’t make tires, toys, or wind turbines. They make weapons, and the only way to keep sales up is to keep going to war. Correct? The Iraq war will end up costing taxpayers around three trillion bucks. Personally I would rather pay 787,000,000,000 on barcaloungers and foot massages for the poor and lazy then go start another senseless and expensive war. Maybe I am just being too liberal?

Global Warming: I say, whenever possible, expand our roads by six feet and put in a bike lane. It will cut down pollution, help with the absurd obesity problem we face in the U.S. and make everyone happier, including the goddamn polar bears.

Entertainment: I understand that these are tough times for Americans, and that the evening news and The Bachelor finale brings more distress than joy. But why not just parlay a few of the good pieces of news we receive? I purpose this: we create a new reality-show called Gliding Light. Each episode consists of Captain “Sully” Sullenburger safely crash landing one random jetliner a week. I smell a hit.

These are just a few of my ideas and I look forward to reading yours. I hope this post will bring to an end to all the regressive, bipartisan email forwards that keep us in the past and will jumpstart some real thinking out there. Now get to work people.